Getting High on MDNA: With Her Latest Documentary, Madonna Proves She’s Still the Greatest Club Drug Around

By Benjamin-Emile Le Hay 7/09 6:15pm



Madge at the premiere.



Madonna was late, but that did not discourage the horde of screaming fans who had arrived an hour earlier to behold the world premiere of the Material Girl’s latest documentary, Madonna: The MDNA Tour, which chronicles the soon-to-be-55-year-old’s globetrotting 2012 tour. Indeed, the upper balcony of The Paris Theatre bordered on rambunctious, while some of Cinema Society’s finest guests, including Questlove, Debi Mazar, Nicky Hilton, CNN’s Alina Cho, Lorenzo Martone and Kelly Osbourne, sat below. The celebs found slightly more subdued ways to amuse themselves, munching on gourmet popcorn. Not everyone was so patient, however.

Martha Stewart hightailed it home before 9 p.m. after an hour-plus wait, Jill Kargman duly informed Shindigger. Ms. Stewart was apparently fed up with the delay. In her defense, she had an early-morning crafting date with Matt Lauer on Today. But it was her loss, frankly.

To pass the time, Shindigger cozied up to Caroline Rhea.

“Is the popcorn good? Thumbs up or down?” we asked the comedienne.

Ms. Rhea hoisted a big thumbs-up as she chomped on her organic kernels.

“So did you see her MDNA Tour?” Shindigger said, getting right down to it.

“I have a 4-and-a-half-year-old,” Ms. Rhea confessed, “so I haven’t seen her tour in a long time. But she has defied gravity—she’s not aging! If I had a body like that, I’d be like ‘Where’s my bedazzled one-piece? I’m going to the grocery store!’”

Ms. Rhea then asked Shindigger to point out some of the notable guests scattered around the theater. We spotted Johan Lindeberg, Jenna Lyons and Salman Rushdie, right off the bat.

“That one always freaks me out,” she whispered. “I’m always freaked out when I’m near Salman Rushdie.”

As Madonna’s dancers, her children Rocco and Lourdes, and other entourage VIPs began arriving, the whooping and hollering escalated to even higher decibel levels from the upper balcony. Back in our seats, Ms. Kargman said that the Queen of Pop had finally graced the premises and was working the red carpet.

Soon after, the superstar sauntered into the theater, sporting a customized Tom Ford tuxedo and top hat ensemble, paying homage to Marlene Dietrich, and the show (finally!) began.

Madonna: The MDNA Tour is a roller-coaster ride of all things modern Madge. It is excessively violent and flashy, a hyper-sexualized feast for the eyes (provided you don’t suffer an epileptic fit). Her dancers are hotter and more talented than ever. Her Jean Paul Gaultier wardrobe is fabulous. And most prominently displayed throughout the film, of course, is Madonna’s immaculately chiseled body. All in all, it is pretty astonishing. We loved it.

“I can honestly say that my tour is over,” Madonna sighed after the screening, opening up the floor for questions from her adoring fans. “But please,” she implored, “intelligent, interesting, inspiring questions only! Okay?”

One person asked how on God’s green earth she was able to put on such a show, night after exhausting night.

“First of all, thank God I didn’t have to it every night,” Madonna replied. “I did the show about four or five times a week. Yeah, it was hard—probably the hardest tour I’ve ever done. I was a mess, just talk to my manager.”

But that’s the sort of performer she is. “The show must go on,” she told the crowd. “I’m a human being like everyone else. I would have my bad nights and cry and say, ‘I don’t wanna do this.’ But in my book, if you don’t leave a pound of flesh on the stage every night, you did not do your job. Go hard or go home!”

Another attendee wanted to know details about the workshops Madonna gives for her dancers before the tour.

“So many people came from all around the world to do the workshop, and I made everyone try everything,” Madonna explained. Dancers who had mastered hip-hop were schooled in classic dance, and vice-versa.

“I forced everyone to go outside of their comfort zones. Straight boys had to wear high heels and gay boys had to man up,” she said.

Madonna had many favorite moments from the MDNA shows. “I loved all the fighting and violence of ‘Gang Bang,’” she said. “I got a lot of aggression out, and I felt so much better afterwards.”

But she admitted it would be hard to chose just one favorite song.

“I love doing ‘Sagarra Jo.’ It’s just a joyful song. You can’t help but be happy doing that song.”

“Fuck yeah!” shrieked a balcony loudmouth, who was misheard.

“Did you just say ‘Fuck you’?” Madonna blasted back into the mic. “Did you see me fighting in ‘Gang Bang’? Watch out!”

The Q&A concluded with a video teaser for an upcoming Madonna project, but by that time Shindigger was ready for a drink, and we snuck out to the after-party at Harlow.

“I saw the tour a few times,” Andy Cohen told us over a glass of champagne. The Bravo host hadn’t quite digested the party yet. “I just got here. I had to do my show,” he said. As other celebrity attendees like John Travolta, Adam Lambert and Zachary Quinto slurped down tequila cocktails, the queen herself paraded about, boogying down with her boy-toy Brahim Zaibat and backup dancers, bodyguards at arm’s length. As she brushed past Shindigger by the bar, a warm tingle of ecstasy shot down our spine. It was official—we were high on MDNA, and the rest of the night was a boozy blur.

Madonna on EW’s All Time Greatest Albums List

Madonna on EW’s All Time Greatest Albums List

#43. Madonna – Madonna (1983)

Madonna flirts with controversy again by donning chainmail burka mask

Culture clash: Madonna has embraced Muslim styles in a new photo shoot (Photo: Madonna Facebook)
She is the queen of controversy – and Madonna has been at it again by dressing up as a Muslim woman in chainmail.

The Material Girl, 54, has been sharing images – apparently from a Harper’s Bazaar US photoshoot – of her latest looks.

And she has been embracing Islamic culture for her newest fashion direction.

Posing in a metal chain niqāb mask, the star said: ‘The Revolution of Love is on…Inshallah’ with an image on her official Facebook page – ‘Inshallah’ being Arabic for ‘God willing’.

She also posted a snap of herself with gold metal grills on her teeth and biting down hard on a sword or knife.

Biting: Madge plays with either a sword or knife in the new images (Photo: Madonna Facebook)

‘Live by the sword… For @harpersbazaarus’ she said in the accompanying text, suggesting she is shooting for the American fashion bible.

While the full extent of the project is yet to be revealed – and a cover shoot for a major magazine being completed generally a couple of months before it hits newsstands – it could be revealed the singer is about to unveil a major new project.

For the past few months Madge has been teasing a ‘Secret Project’ in collaboration with world-famous photographer and director Steven Klein – is the secret about to be revealed?

Madonna Shot The New Harpers Bazaar Magazine Cover......

Stay Tuned!!!!

Why Madonna is the ultimate pop survivor!

by P.H.Davies on 22/05/2013


At the Billboard Music Awards on Monday, Madonna was given three awards for her mega successful MDNA Tour of 2012, including Top Touring Artist. The MDNA Tour – the ninth such concert tour by Madonna – played eighty-eight sold-out shows on four continents and grossed a whopping $300 million. The critically-acclaimed tour showcased Madonna’s most recent album, MDNA - itself a critical and commercial success - and a significant selection from her back catalogue in what was a truly spectacular experience and one I got to enjoy in Hyde Park last year. Madonna accepted her award with the grace she is known for, thanking her collaborators for helping her make such an exceptional live experience and genuinely thanking her fans for coming to see her play live. No one can doubt her sincerity. At 54 she is always going to be criticised for what she wears but no could deny that she looked youthful and with legs most people would kill for.


Seeing Madonna on a stage dominated by much younger artists like Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift, and Selena Gomez has been a stark reminder that she is not only one of a kind but also a true pop survivor. Madonna’s career is in its thirtieth year and she is still hughely successful – a no.1 album (her twelfth) and top-selling world tour – is no mean feat. Do her albums sell as much as in her heyday? No, but when these record sales are put into context with what other artists are currently selling then MDNA is very much an international success. The fact that she can pull in $300 million on a tour is a credit to what a great performer is – after thirty years people still want to see her play live. Even as she approaches her mid-fifties she has the energy to perform exhausting two hours shows night after night when most people can’t even walk up a flight of stairs without getting out of breath and it’s a testament to her incredible fitness and hard work. She looks so amazing because she puts the hours in.

But the stark reminder of seeing Madonna on stage with younger artists is also underlined by the fact that almost all of her contemporaries have disappeared. The eighties and nineties were two decades when pop starts became the equivalent of Greek gods – they were ubiquitous, wealthy, and successful. They had a kind of fame few people truly have today and yet that fame seems to have blighted so many with death, suicide, drugs, and madness. Think about those who shared the stage with Madonna in those two decades and how many of them are still around: Michael Jackson died in 2009 after a decade of pill addiction and artistic inertia. Whitney Houston died last year after a long battle with drugs. George Michael has battled with drugs and become notorious for car crashes and ill-advised cruising. Boy George has also battled drugs and has been in and out of courtrooms and prison. Adam Ant completely lost his mind. Prince is still touring but hasn’t had a commercially successful album in a long time.

These are the high profile casualties of fame but there are so many other artists whose stars have waned over the last decade and whose commercial prospects have almost dried up; Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, Janet Jackson, Guns’n’Roses, Sting, Annie Lennox, the list goes on and on. So many of these artists have seen a decline in album sales since the turn of the millennium and only a small number of have been able to sell concert tickets. The money they made in the eighties and nineties has kept some of them in nice houses and private jets but they have lost their cultural currency. The only other artist who has been able to maintain commercial success both in album sales and touring is Bruce Springsteen, another true survivor of the eighties. It’s no coincidence that Springsteen released a critically acclaimed no.1 album, Wrecking Ball, last year and embarked on a major world tour which also drew a Billboard Touring Award for ‘Top Draw’. Why have Madonna and Springsteen survived? Because of their incredible work ethic, because they engage with the contemporary, because they didn’t lose their heads over fame, and because they stayed away from nefarious influences.

People can say what they like about Madonna – she routinely gets a bashing in the press for being old, for dressing in skimpy outfits, for making bad movies – but what they cannot take from her is her success and her ability to remain visible and relevant, something she has done for more than thirty years.

(Great article!!)

James Franco wants to be Madonna

Swide: You appeared on the cover of Candy Magazine in drag resembling a beautiful muse of Pedro Almodovar. If you could be reincarnated as one of history¹s great divas who would you be and why?
James Franco: Madonna. She rules.

Get the Look: Madonna at the MDNA Tour Documentary Premiere

Madonna’s makeup artist, Sammy H. Mourabit, used Votre Vu products to create her look for last night’s premiere of the MDNA Tour documentary in NYC. He drew inspiration from Marlene Deitrich’s iconic 1930’s look from the movie “Morocco.”






To achieve Madonna’s flawless complexion, Sammy first hydrated her face with Votre Vu Attentive Crème de Jour for Sensitive Skin without forgetting the neck with Portrait Collar Restorative Neck Crème. He then dabbed Votre Vu’s Love Me Deux Concealer in Champagne under her eyes and also on the darker areas of her skin, to even out her skin tone.



One of the tricks he used was mixing the Love Me Deux Nourishing Moisture Tint in Champagne with the Attentive to achieve a dewy look. Next, he accentuated her cheekbones by contouring them with Votre Vu’s Beaute en Bronze Tantalizing Bronzer Duo.



To create a 30s eyebrow, he first groomed the brows with a brush, and then applied the Arch de Triumphe Daily Brow Definer in Warm inside the natural eyebrow line. The thinner line captures that 30’s look. To cover the excess natural hair, he dabbed some Votre Vu’s Love Me Deux Concealer in Champagne, giving the illusion of a clean groomed eye without the need for over-plucking.



For the lips, Sammy first contoured them in a heart shape reminiscent of the 30’s style with the Drawmatic Lip Liner in Naked (coming out in September). He followed by mixing two shades of the French Kiss Moisture Riche Lipstick (coming out in September) for a luminous and voluptuous effect. He applied the darker tone, Margaux, to the outer lines of the lip and the lighter tone, Annette, to the inner lip.



On the lashes, he used Eiffel Power Mascara only in the center of the eyelashes. To intensify the 30s look, he added some false lashes to the outer corner of the eye.



All products can be found on www.Votrevu.com



Source: This That Beauty

Arianne Phillips on Dressing Madonna.....

You’d think that, after working with Madonna for 15 years, Arianne Phillips would have seen it all. But Phillips, the stylist and costume designer behind a decade and a half of Madonna videos and performances, as well as films like Walk the Line and W.E., says that the pop star’s 2012 MDNA world tour was like nothing she had ever experienced. “There were an epic amount, a tsunami, of costumes,” Phillips told Style.com of the show’s wardrobe, which included an updated iteration of Madonna’s iconic cone bra by Jean Paul Gaultier. “And we aren’t talking tennis shoes and sneakers—it’s costume and fashion.” Prior to the premiere of Madonna: The MDNA Tour, a documentary that airs on Epix tonight at 8 p.m., Phillips, who’s currently in London working on a new film, talked to Style.com about the MDNA costumes, Madonna’s collaboration with Jean Paul Gaultier, and what it takes to put on an unforgettable show.



Interview by Katharine K. Zarrella for Style.com...



Where do you begin when designing costumes for Madonna?

"Well, it always starts with the music, of course, and usually Madonna crafts a set list that’s part of a narrative. It’s a story with a beginning, middle, and end. This show was really about transformation. Each act had a different theme and costume had a purpose. This tour with her was definitely the biggest undertaking I have been a part of—on the technical side and on the conceptual side. It’s one thing to just design a costume for Madonna herself, but if you think about it, we had 23 dancers, five band members, and two background singers. And everyone requires multiple costume changes."



How do the costumes help express the show’s narrative?

"We think of it as characters, and [Madonna] is playing a part. That character requires development and visuals in addition to the songs she’s singing. In the beginning of the show, she comes out dressed like a queen in a crown with a machine gun. She takes that off to reveal this super-vixen character that we kind of debuted in the “Girl Gone Wild” video. The next act is all about expression and having a message, and it opens up with “Express Yourself.” She’s wearing this homage to a forties majorette. The third act is “Vogue,” and it’s all about identity and gender-bending—iconic Madonna. She’s trying to figure out who she is again. And in the end, it’s a celebration, and she transforms into this powerful Joan of Arc character. Everyone is wearing mesh T-shirts, and it’s just like a really fun party. The tour gave her an opportunity to take classic songs like “Papa Don’t Preach” and give them a new twist. She has been performing these same songs forever, but she’s the queen of reinvention, and she creates an entertaining concept for the shows that keeps it interesting and relevant. The costumes have to underscore that, and they have to provoke and entertain."



How many costume changes did Madonna do throughout the course of the show?

"The costumes are part of the choreography, so we have a lot of quick changes, and people are literally changing clothes under the stage. Madonna changes full costumes about four times. But then, for instance, for the “Vogue” act, she comes out in the Gaultier corset and then she disrobes. So by the end of the act, when she sings “Like a Virgin,” she is in a corset and a bra, and she has done different songs in different deconstructions of the outfit. So her costumes change for almost every song."





Were there any wardrobe malfunctions?

"Everything goes wrong daily. Shoes break, bras break, but that’s what keeps a live show interesting. When the adrenaline of the audience kicks in, there’s almost like a langue between the audience and the performers. And that’s when seams pop off and crystals fly."



You’ve worked with Madonna for 15 years. Did you feel any pressure to top yourself with this tour?

"This is not like anything I have ever done before, or like she has ever done before. The great thing about working with Madonna for 15 years is that every project is a new and different challenge. She has to raise the bar to keep herself interested. The great thing about her is that she is not nostalgic; she is not looking to redo something she has done in the past. But it takes us 12 weeks in preparation and rehearsals before we open the show, and I was still tweaking things into the first five or six shows, partly because I used materials that are not traditional for performing onstage."



What kinds of materials?

"For instance, all that metal mesh and the crystals that she wears in the final act—that was physically heavy. That costume weighs around 15 pounds, so she had to do all of that rigorous choreography with extra weight. Most people would never do that or be able to take it, but she wanted to wear the real thing because she liked the way it looked. And she took a beating while she was dancing and sweating in it, but it looked beautiful."



You mentioned that Madonna is not nostalgic, but she did have one nostalgic moment on this tour with the Gaultier cone corset. Why did you decide to bring that back?

"At this point, Madonna has created her own language with fashion and music. There is a kind of DNA of Madonna in terms of what we love about her. I have been working with her for a long time, and one of my favorite things that I have ever done with her is the collaboration with Jean Paul Gaultier. He is so lovely to work with, and their friendship predates me. It seemed like a no-brainer. That whole piece is about gender-bending, and you know, both Gaultier and Madonna are provocateurs. Gaultier is such an important person in our fashion history and culture, and the things he and Madonna have deserve to live on as part of her visual legacy."



In addition to Gaultier, you worked with Jeremy Scott and used some pieces from Alexander Wang. How did you decide what designers to feature in the tour?

"Alexander didn’t make anything specially for us; we just responded to some of his pieces. Jeremy is a longtime collaborator of ours. What Madonna loves about him so much is his connection to his audience. His collection is so connected to street and club culture, and we always have a place for him on tours. He is our go-to innovator. He did custom shoes for us, and he did these amazing, Indian-inspired tracksuits for the dancers for “I’m a Sinner.” Then we used J Brand jeans; Agent Provocateur made some amazing bras; and we used a lot of independent New York designers. Michael Schmitt, who we’ve worked with forever—he does tour stuff for everyone from Rihanna to Cher—collaborated with us on the Joan of Arc costumes for the last act. He specializes in metal mesh. He is actually famous for doing Tina Turner’s metal mesh costumes back in the eighties. I designed tons of stuff, and Prada and Miu Miu made most of Madonna’s shoes—they’ve been making shoes for Madonna’s shows for a long time. She also wore her own Truth or Dare shoes."



Are you two always on the same page when it comes to the costumes, or do you butt heads?

"I mean, she is the director, and she is constantly evolving her ideas, which makes it more interesting for me. But of course we butt heads. It’s a process. She has me there for an opinion—I’m not there just to say yes. It would be boring if we agreed all the time. Sometimes she pushes me or I push her, and there are certainly times when I compromise my ideas. She is the boss. It’s her show and no one knows it better than her. But in the end, we agree. Trust me."



What kind of research do you do for a tour like this?

"We look at the past, the present, and the future, and everything informs our ideas. It’s no-holds-barred. It would be ridiculous not to look at her past. We are paying homage with a wink and a nod in the whole gender-bending act with the Gaultier corset. Everything is fair game, really."



Is shock factor something you think about when you’re designing the costumes?

"The beauty about working with Madonna is that she isn’t thinking about what people are thinking about when they see the show; she is thinking about what is true and authentic to the idea. She has proven time and time again that she is a provocateur, and what is shocking to you might not be to her. To invest in shock—no. That’s not part of our language."

Pictures: Madonna in New York (June 22 2013)

Madonna arriving at the Kabbalah centre in New York (June 22 2013)

NEWS: MADONNA’S A GIRL GONE WILD IN “MADONNA: THE MDNA TOUR”

The Material Girl can still get into the groove.

Since her self-titled first album dropped in 1983, Madonna has sold more than 300 million records worldwide and embarked on 10 concert tours, including last year’s The MDNA Tour.

Today at 8 p.m., cable’s Epix network will premiere the film “Madonna: The MDNA Tour,” which showcases footage from New York, Miami and some of the other 88 tour stops.
“Three decades is a long time to have a job,” Madonna told the audience at the movie’s New York premiere Tuesday night. But the exhaustive — and exhausting — film proves she’s still going strong.
At 54, Madonna keeps pace with her youngest peers in the two-hour spectacle; even hardened non-fans will marvel as she performs strenuous choreography alongside the show’s 27 nubile, youthful dancers.

The documentary (or is it one long music video?) showcases her knack for religious iconography, politically-tinged lyrics and sexual wattage.

Here are our picks for the film’s top five moments.

1. “Gang Bang”
Set in a seedy motel room, Madonna exacts revenge on ex-lovers using a stash of guns. With each shot, disturbingly realistic “blood” splashes across a video screen towering behind her. It’s a bit much in the wake of the Sandy Hook school shootings last December, but the ultra violent message is loud and clear: guys, don’t piss off Madonna.

2. “Express Yourself”
Wearing a majorette uniform, Madonna swings a verbal slap at her pop nemesis, Lady Gaga, whose 2011 gay rights anthem, “Born This Way,” is suspiciously similar to this 1989 hit. Madonna samples Gaga’s lyrics in lock step with her own song’s backing track, while video behind her depicts Pac Man-esque “little monsters” (as Gaga fans are called) gobbling up conical bras, blond ponytails and other props Gaga seemingly procured from the Material Girl.

3. “Vogue”
A Madonna concert wouldn’t be the same without her iconic 1990 club hit. Her body moves to the music and as she strikes many a pose in a gender-bending black-and-white fashion show with couture by Jean Paul Gaultier (who designed many of the tour’s 1,500 costumes). Ladies with an attitude, indeed.

4. “Like A Virgin”
Madonna spins a melancholy take on her perky 1984 hit. Wearing butt-baring lingerie and fishnets, she drapes herself atop an upright piano, flashes her barely-covered private parts and tells the crowd, “If you’re gonna look up the crack of my a–, you might as well give me a tip.” The audience litters the stage with cash, which was later donated to Hurricane Sandy relief efforts. A down-tempo version of her “MDNA” album track “Love Spent” — a snipe at ex-husband Guy Ritchie — follows with a dancer excruciatingly tightening a corset around her waist.

5. “Nobody Knows Me”
Projected on stage as a musical interlude, this controversial video that includes swastikas and other Nazi imagery steals the show with a message about intolerance. Lyrics like “It’s no good when you’re misunderstood” send viewers a jolt when melded with portraits of gay teens — including Rutgers University student Tyler Clementi — who have committed suicide.

by ERIC HEGEDUS
nypost.com

Madonna Interview On Good Morning America! 6/21/13

Madonna -- the queen rules at 'MDNA' premiere! By Liz Smith

By Liz Smith

2:30 am, June 20, 2013
"IN MY book, if you don't leave a pound of flesh on the stage floor, you haven't done your job properly!"

That was Madonna at the chaotic premiere of the film version of her record-breaking "MDNA" tour last year. After the film, Madonna took questions from the audience -- made up of die-hard, totally hysterical fans. She was charming. It has not always been so. Madonna can be icily monosyllabic or just plain bored with whoever is interviewing her, and doesn't bother to hide it. But at the "MDNA" event, she was the Madonna I know, personally -- smart, funny, appealing. She was even dressed in my idea of glamour: a black tuxedo, a white silk shirt, a black top hat, just like Marlene Dietrich in "Morocco" In fact, Madonna said her choice of outfit was inspired by the Paris Theater, where the premiere was held. "In 1948, Dietrich cut the ribbon when this theater opened. So I pulled out my Marlene drag for this night."

Now, not that the night, sponsored by The Cinema Society, Dolce and Gabbana and Epix, was without hitches. There was madness in front of the Paris. It was raining and unbearably muggy. People were desperate to get inside. Some of those waiting on the VIP line were annoyed when Madonna's fans were allowed in first. "Why are they getting in?" asked one woman whose coif was collapsing. "Maybe because they are the ones who made her a star," came the reply.

But even after the VIPs were seated, there was a loooong wait for Madonna. Like, an hour. The theater was almost as muggy as it was outside. Finally, Madonna and her entourage arrived. This included all her dancers from the tour, and her son Rocco, who also appeared onstage with his legendary mom. However, as Madonna remarked later, with a laugh: "He doesn't look like he did then. He's grown three inches, he's almost six feet tall and frankly, he kind of frightens me."

As for the film, if you thought the concert itself was intense, seeing and hearing it up close, pitches it to a new level. Madonna does some amazing -- and genuinely brave -- stuff here. A lot of it is not for the faint of heart. But, if you're going to accept the moniker of "The Queen," you've got to own it, and Madonna owns every bit of it! And even at a film premiere she knows how to put on a show. As the credits rolled, the lights went up and a full marching band with drums and cymbals appeared in both aisles. It was impressive, funny and ear-shattering. (It was also a way to keep everybody from leaving until Madonna took the stage.)

The party afterward was at Harlow, and the late hour had no effect on Madonna's energy -- she danced until 2:30 a.m.! Among the throng watching were John Travolta, Andy Cohen, ageless Debi Mazar, Adam Lambert, CNN's Alina Cho, ballet's handsome Roberto Bolle, Lee Daniels, Rachel Roy, the Cinema Society's Andrew Saffir (holding up surprisingly well amid the chaos) and Kelly Osbourne.

Best exchange of the night came when "Boy Culture" writer and Madonna historian Matthew Rettenmund approached Kelly O. for a photo. (She was chatting with Cosmo's sexy Sergio Kletnoy.) Rettenmund said, "I'm on your side in the stuff between you and Lady Gaga." Kelly replied rather tartly, "There are no sides. I just think it's disgusting to use gay people for making money!" This left Rettenmund momentarily speechless, but a friend standing behind him chirped up, "Well, it's better than using them for firewood, honey."

Miss Osbourne seemed not to be amused.

I HAD A really swell time this week lunching at the popular Michael's with my Texas friend -- one Jane Hickie, one time aide to Gov. Ann Richards. (I wrote about Jane here and her life between big-city ideas and Stephenville, Texas, where she has a ranch.)

Jane told me all about taking two 16-year-old champion gigglers to Europe and said, "I now know why I never had children."

It seems Jane quizzed these bright young things asking if they recognized Andy Warhol's big portrait of Elizabeth Taylor when they came upon it in Paris.

They hadn't a clue as to the identity of either famous person. They admitted they "thought" they knew who Hitler was, but not exactly what he did. At a London theater, where they saw Helen Mirren at her best, their verdict after the play was -- "Oh, she was OK."

This was so depressing that I questioned the future of the human race. But I kept right on eating those tempra soft-shell crabs anyway and then -- Steve, the guy who runs Michael's -brought over a photo of himself with the late Ann Richards.

Also, I ran into one of my true heroes, Police Commissioner Ray Kelly. He was wearing a bright green tie to go with that morning's bright green assessment of certain controversial matters of national security. Ray was lunching with his lawyer, Richard DeScherer. I asked why the head cop of NYC needs a lawyer? "He needs me!" quipped Ray. (Not really, they are old friends.)

Also glimpsed philanthropist Pete Peterson, Joel Klein, now of the Murdoch empire, Peggy Siegal working the room in white organza, Tiffany's Linda Buckley and hard worker for charity Gillian Miniter, plus Richard Koshalek who oversees the Hirshhorn Museum & Sculpture Garden in Washington, D.C.

Michael's! Eclectic like always.

(E-mail Liz Smith at MES3838@aol.com.)